Anthropology

» Jo18 - Outside the Norm

How strange and different I am to other people:

I have no t.v.: what? no t.v.??
I have 18 cats: we don't like them, and we sure don't like their cr*p
I am vegan: what DO you eat?
I married a man 18 years younger than me: that love can't be for real then
I can't walk far, in pain: boring old fart, WE like to go out dancing/walking/fitness clubs
I have no interest in "fashion": we LOVE shopping for new clothes
I prefer ethical shopping: we don't give a damn about ethics, we love shopping
I decided not to have children: how strange, how selfish
I still smoke: you're not nice to be around, smoking is awful

No wonder I'm ostracised by everyone (except my darling husband), and yet I wouldn't change any of it, except the lonelines.

-- posted by Jo18

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» thewriteroom - Outside the Norm

In response to Outside the Norm posted by Jo18:

It sounds like you might be different in a way that confronts and rocks the beliefs and values of the people around you! I think your message was quite aptly posted under "Outside the Norm," since your ethical stance might question the norms of others. And most of us find it somewhat uncomfortable to be unsure, don't you think? Certainty is, for most of us, a lot more comfortable. And yet questioning is so important! I love Rilke on this:

"...try to love the questions themselves like locked rooms and books that are written in a very foreign tongue. Do not now seek the answers, which cannot be given you because you would not be able to live them. And the point is, to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps you will then gradually, without noticing it, live along some distant day into the answer." (From: Rainer Maria Rilke (1993) (John L. Mood, Trans.) Rilke on Love and Other Difficulties. N.Y.: Norton)

Alternative choices and lifestyles also question the common norm, the common demeanor, which is, in my view, not necessarily a bad thing.

-- posted by thewriteroom

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» stillmuddling - Kind of like being the Living Dead

My mother and father were both socially isolated immigrants who probably would have even been even socially isolated in their native land. They came to the USA which is even much more socially boisterous and robust and they had us four kids. I can say two of us really are super isolated and then there is me and somedays I am at wits end just trying to muddle through and comprehend.
This thing effects my career and my future and my perception of life. We all need people and I acknowledge that. Well my wife and my daughter easily make a social network and so do my sister's kids, but me I don't know how much longer I can keep this facade up. I have a lot of mechanisms to cope but I realize already that my only two friends will be my wife and daughter; i doubt I will ever make any others. One facade I
have is just being busy and asocial. Another is trying to make my exterior "perfect"--my behaviour is very good, my house is perfect and perfectly clean and my wardrobe is tasteful and I run everyday and my office is spotless, but inside my self esteem and social instincts are the same as a swamp or rotting jungle.
I realize that there is no majical pill or process that will right me and I just try to stoically bear my burden. The toughest thing is at work where though i am well educated and work hard and am very resourceful and determined I am usually forced to the peripehery gradually and then everything after that is a downward spiral..I just can't deal with this even though work means a lot to me. Its a terrible cycle..I guess I have my mechanisms to cope but sometimes I just say to myself, this is the thing that will eventually lead to my early demise, and it hurts a lot..
What does social isolation feel like? I spend a lot oftime with my wife, but I remember it well. Doors slam in empty apartment hallways and you hear laughter and snatches of conversation ...isolation just seems to "radiate" off of you like a Times Square Billboard, you can be well dressed and well mannered and polite and tactful, well tanned and smiling energetic, but somewhere theres that unwritten huge signature saying that you are different, and you just wonder what that signature is.... failure brings back memories from ages and ages ago of your "playing wrong" as a child and you know no matter how fresh and cheery you wake to a beautiful day, you will arrive home crumpled and beaten..you wonder what the unspoken ryhthyms and commands and rules you are breaking every second..you wonder why others fall into relationships before you do and why you always seem to be a stranger..
There's this guy I used to work with, he was in a wheel chair and had some minor neuromuscular function loss. I felt bad for him until one day I realized even he at work was closer to the office core than i was, and thats when I realized "Wow, this is a Huge Handicap" And sometimes I wonder if I could just post a sign on my head so people would let off of this burden,,but two things prevent that--I guess I survive because of my Pride, and people aren't that nice anyway...somehow I dont see myself living this life out to 70 in a nice retirement--

-- posted by stillmuddling

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